Fun and Games
by sapereaude13
Summary: A series of ridiculous postgame stories. SquallRinoa, IrvineSelphie, SeiferQuistis. My first stories for this game. Thanks for reading!
1. Go, 200 Gil

Go, 200 Gil

--

She laughed and couldn't resist clapping her hands excitedly. "Three houses means 560 gil, Zell. Pay up!"

Her friend muttered a curse and started gathering the little paper bills together, and he slapped them into her now outstretched hand with a pained groan. "Why doesn't anyone land on MY property?"

"Because everything you own is worthless, and even the dice realize it," Irvine joked, his fingers teasing their way up and down Selphie's arm. Zell growled at Irvine's comment, and the room erupted into laughter. Even Squall cracked a rare smile but hid it quickly, vanishing back into his stoic role as the banker.

Rinoa relished the laid back atmosphere as the five of them played Properties, an old board game Ma Dincht had urged Zell to throw out. Instead, he had brought it to Squall's dorm room that night, and they had been playing for over two hours without tiring. Life was so much better now with the threat of Ultimecia gone and their world at relative peace. She arranged the fake gil into little piles and grinned. If she could spend the rest of her life this way – surrounded by friends with no worries – she knew she'd die happy.

It was Selphie's turn, and she grabbed the dice from the center of the board. She placed them in her open palm and held it in front of Irvine's face. "Blow on them for luck?"

Irvine tipped his hat back and winked flirtatiously. "Blow on what, Sefie?"

"Oh no way, sick," Zell complained. "You guys need to stop that! That's just not right."

Selphie blushed and rolled the dice without Irvine's "assistance," and Rinoa found her eyes drifting in Squall's direction. She listened to the gentle tapping of Selphie moving her game piece around the board, catching Irvine tickling her from the corner of her eye. Squall seemed unmoved by the whole thing, and she sighed internally. She didn't necessarily need a public display of affection from her boyfriend, but would it kill him to at least look at her once in a while?

He was preoccupied with his role as the banker, and Rinoa had never seen anyone as serious about a silly game of Properties as Squall Leonhart. She'd been peeking at him several times over the course of the game. His gil stash was neatly arranged, as were his property cards. The bank was just as organized, not one thing out of place. Every time a player passed the Go square, he would make a quiet announcement. He'd say "Go, 200 gil," and he would hand over the money. He also was the property card manager, muttering the name of the card as he distributed it, and then he counted and recounted the money the new property owner had given him in exchange. It was enough to drive her mad. It was just a game!

She watched his eyes dart over his gil stacks over and over, hovering his hand over them every few minutes, and then bringing his hand back, and she finally realized what he was doing. It appeared that Squall was waging an internal war with himself over whether to reorganize his money piles into ascending order or to leave them be. She saw him lift a small pile of 1 gils, then set it back down with a frown, and Rinoa was unable to avoid the boisterous laugh that emerged from her. The others looked up, and Squall raised his head curiously. "Did I miss something? I'm sorry," he mumbled, and she felt terrible for laughing at him.

It was her turn anyhow, and she gave the dice a shake and let them scatter across the board. She moved the little dog piece, thankfully landing on something she owned. Zell again sighed, as she had just bypassed the railroad he owned. Irvine snorted, and she and Selphie were in hysterics once again. Squall took his turn, calling "Go, 200 gil" even though he was the one receiving the money. As if they wouldn't trust him to be honest about taking money! She bit back another laugh, desperately needing an escape from the oh-so-serious banker boyfriend she'd been lucky enough to snag.

"So," she began, catching Selphie's gaze. "How do you think Quisty's doing?"

Irvine scowled across the board at her. "Oh, don't start this and ruin my evening."

But Selphie was eager to gossip too. "Where do you think they went? There aren't that many restaurants in Balamb!"

"Oh, I know," she replied, giving her friend a wide grin. "There aren't that many _hotels_ in Balamb either!"

"Aaaaah, stop!" Irvine and Zell cried in unison, and Selphie was doubling over in laughter. Irvine pulled off his hat for the first time all night and flung it at her as a projectile attack. She caught it and placed it on her own head, but Rinoa did not miss the small flash of jealousy in Squall's eyes. She was determined to leave the hat on her head then. Maybe it would stop his monk-like behavior.

Irvine crossed his arms defiantly, not even noticing Squall's reaction. "The last thing I need to think about tonight is Seifer Almasy getting his groove on."

"Oh for the love of Hyne, did you have to phrase it like that?" Zell cried, throwing his little stack of property cards at Irvine. The challenge issued, the taller boy grabbed the stack of Chance cards from the game board and flung them back in a rain of orange. Rinoa watched Squall's eyes narrow at the defilement of his perfectly ordered game world, and she decided to continue dismantling it.

"Oh Instructor," Rinoa shouted then in her best imitation of Seifer's voice, "do you want to see my gunblade?" Zell and Irvine turned from their Chance card fight to gape at her in absolute horror.

"RINOA!" they screamed, and suddenly a giant flood of fake money was unleashed from the two of them, and she squealed at the assault.

Selphie seemed to be struggling with breathing, but she was able to take Rinoa's side in this torturous war. "Why Seifer Almasy," she replied in a deeper, more Quistis-like voice, "it's so big!" Selphie was tackled by Irvine then, a tickle war ensuing.

Zell was still disgusted by the whole exchange and kept his full attention on Rinoa, pelting her again and again with game cards and fake gil. Her sides began to ache from laughing, and she watched Squall turn from Slightly Irritated to Majorly Annoyed and then to the last stage of his usual anger cycle – Lethal Intent.

Noticing this Fury in Progress, she tipped Irvine's hat at her boyfriend and winked, then grabbed a huge pile of gil from the bank – from his Sanctuary of Perfect Order – and threw half at Zell…and half at him. It was the straw that broke the chocobo's back, and he was on his feet and grouchy as an old maid in seconds.

"Out. Get out of my room! Each and every last one of you, out!"

Irvine picked up the game board from the floor and swatted Squall in the ass with it in one swift motion, and Rinoa thought Squall would burst a blood vessel. She could have sworn that the stoic Commander's eye was twitching.

"I said get out!" he scolded, and Selphie and Zell were silent. He marched over and took Irvine's hat from her head. "And…and…" Squall cried, his anger coming out faster than his words. "And take your stupid hat with you!" he finished, thrusting the cowboy hat into Irvine's hands. Selphie smiled widely and grabbed Irvine's hand, dragging him out. Zell threw one last property card at her, still furious about the Seifer and Quistis exchange, and departed as well, shutting the door behind him.

She put her hands on her hips and smirked. "I suppose that includes me too?" He was on his knees on the floor picking up fake money and property cards. She crouched down next to him, touching his arm. "Squall?"

He was more graceful than she gave him credit for as he pounced, knocking her onto her back. She gasped in surprise as she felt the thin paper cards poking her in the back. "I thought they'd never leave," he whispered in her ear, kissing his way from her neck to her jaw.

She laughed at this unexpected turn of events and wrapped her arms around him. He moved to kiss her lips, and she turned her head away. "Hey," he responded sadly, leaning up to look at her. Lethal Intent was gone, with Sad Abandoned Puppy in its place.

She gave him a wink and poked him in the side. "Go, 200 gil."

He snorted and moved off of her, scrambling around on the floor. Producing the required currency and returning to her, he waved the colorful bills in her face impatiently. "I'm not this kind of guy. You know that," he said pointedly, a hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth.

She giggled and grabbed the fake money from his hand. "I know," she replied, kissing him soundly.


	2. Questions and Answers

Questions and Answers

--

"I wish chicken wuss was here. I'm feeling way too domestic."

"Just read the card, Seifer," Quistis Trepe snapped, making Rinoa grin. Squall's dorm room had unofficially become the Game Room for their group, and she could already hear him cracking his knuckles in frustration as Irvine accidentally spilled some ranch dip on his impeccably kept floor.

"Sorry Squall, I overdipped my chip," the cowboy apologized and sat back down at Selphie's side, and Squall barely blinked. She reached a hand to pat his shoulder while they waited for Seifer to continue Questions and Answers.

The blond man held up the card in irritation. "Alright, alright. Rinoa and Squall…Entertainment. What actor famously left the Galbadian theater scene to run a fish and chip shop in Balamb?"

"Oh, this one's too easy!" Selphie cried, "Why did we get the chemistry question?"

"Because we landed on a green space, not a pink one, Sef," Irvine teased, squeezing his girl's hand. Rinoa took her eyes from the happy couple to frown at her partner. Much as she loved him, Squall was quite possibly the worst person to be matched up with for Questions and Answers. The game was equal parts pop culture and random trivia, and his mind was devoid of such "useless" knowledge. She was doing most of the legwork for their team while he moped. Socializing was still very new to Squall Leonhart, and Couples Game Night was only agreed to with the caveat that everyone had to leave his room by 10 o'clock. It was already 9:30, and Squall was checking the clock every other second.

She looked to him for an answer, and his expression was entirely blank. Useless! If Questions and Answers had categories like "Complaining" or "Battle Strategy," then they'd have the game won already. But no. "Squall, you don't have any idea?" she moaned.

Rinoa saw his eyes flit quickly over to the clock on the wall and back to hers in a nanosecond. "Jordan Fanto?" he replied, his voice sounding as bored as he looked.

"Is that your answer?" Seifer asked impatiently, tapping the question card on his hand.

"I don't know," Squall answered, the same enthusiasm evident. It took all the strength she had not to shove him.

"Jordan Fanto is a tournament level Triple Triad player, Squall. So no, Seifer, he is not our answer," she snarled, only looking at her partner, who continued to regard her with what she called his "Whatever" face. Seifer chortled, and she heard Quistis tell him to settle down under her breath. Selphie and Irvine were too busy tickling each other to care, and Rinoa had to look away from Squall to think. "Just give me a moment since I have to have the brain power of TWO people."

Seifer snickered again and gave Quistis a smile. "We don't have all night. Some people have more important things to do," her ex-boyfriend remarked. Quistis groaned in embarrassment, and Rinoa shut her eyes to concentrate. As far as she was concerned, inviting the perverted mind of Seifer Almasy to Game Night was a bad idea. For once, Squall was right. But she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that. She listened to the sound of tickling and giggling and could almost feel the dull eyes from the "Whatever" face gaping at her.

Eureka! "Daven Ridgeley!"

Seifer raised his eyebrows. "Heartilly comes through in the clutch! Nice!" She sighed in relief and took a small pink wedge and added it to her and Squall's game piece. It was their first wedge compared to four for Selphie and Irvine and three for Seifer and Quistis.

Quistis smiled at Squall. "And your contribution is duly noted, Commander. Jordan Fanto was an…interesting guess."

Squall smirked. "I'm just here for moral support." Rinoa rolled her eyes and kept her Industrial Strength Squall-Poking Elbow to herself. Selphie and Irvine took their turn, and she read them a sport question. While the two of them made kissy faces and googly eyes at each other, their unconventional but successful strategy, Rinoa watched her boyfriend's eyes. "Whatever" face was morphing into "Must Kill Kinneas" face, Squall's eyes aimed like a laser beam at the dollop of ranch dip that still lay on his carpet.

She could just see the little hamster running in the wheel that was Squall's brain. He was probably wondering what permanent damage the dip would do to his rug, and he was probably mentally listing the different stain removal supplies he had at his disposal. From the way his face continued to sink into a downright evil sneer, Rinoa imagined that Squall was also wondering if those supplies would get Irvine's blood out of the carpet as well.

"Fourteen points!" Selphie and Irvine chanted together excitedly, and Rinoa looked back at the card.

"You're absolutely right!" she replied cheerfully, and the victorious couple decided to make out a bit at their success. Seifer's eyes could probably not roll back in his head any further than they already were.

"Are we done yet? Can't we just let them win so they can go sex each other already?" Seifer complained, and Quistis smacked his arm.

Irvine broke away from his girl to smile that swoon-inducing smile he was so damn good at. "Now now, Quisty. You don't have to crack the whip every time Seifer opens his trap…"

Quistis glared. "Oh yeah, that joke hasn't gotten old yet!"

Irvine made a whip cracking noise, and a handful of question cards found their way from Quistis' hand to Irvine's face. "Not again," she heard Squall mumble beside her.

Irvine and Selphie raised stacks of cards in their own hands, but Seifer held up his hands in protest. "No way, not a chance, kids. I'm calling it a night. Cards aren't my weapon of choice. I fight to maim and wound. Example, Squall's face," he teased, gesturing to the scar on her boyfriend's forehead.

"Whatever," he replied, to the surprise of no one. "At least yours got infected." Rinoa suppressed a smile at the rivalry rearing its ugly, but amusing head once again. Seifer laughed and dragged Quistis to her feet.

"Good night," Quistis called as Seifer tugged her out of Squall's room. Selphie and Irvine dropped their cards in disappointment. They soon shuffled out as well.

She sighed and moved over to Squall's drawers, pulling out the bottom one to reveal a disturbing array of cleaning supplies. "You get the game, I'll tackle the dip," she offered.

He nodded and began gathering the cards, putting them in some order she would never understand. She snapped up a foam carpet cleaner and a few paper towels and got to work. He put everything back in the box and laid back on his bed with a sigh. "No food next time, alright Rin?"

She smiled and continued to rub the stain from the rug. "You mean there's going to be a next time?" He groaned, and she knew she'd caught him. "Next time we'll have to have Zell and the library girl…"

"Lia."

"That's right, Lia. We'll have them come instead of Seifer and Quisty. Seifer has a smutty mind, and all I can do is think of my boyfriend in filthy ways," she reasoned and stood up, dropping the soiled towels in the garbage. She opened the drawer and moved to put the carpet cleaner back, but he was behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek.

"Keep it alphabetical, please."

She turned around and hopped up to sit on the desk. She handed him the cleaner to put back himself and sighed. "You alphabetize your cleaning supplies?"

"I am a man of mystery, Rinoa. Don't try and change me." He simply dropped the cleaner into the drawer instead of putting it in order and slammed it shut with his foot. He put his hands on either side of her and stared into her eyes. "So let me see if I follow…we shouldn't invite Seifer because he makes you think dirty thoughts…about me? That's just wrong."

"I am a woman of mystery, Squall," she whispered back as seductively as she could muster and tugged him to her by the collar of his shirt. "Don't try and change me."

He kissed her then, and she felt totally and completely loved. She came up for air and winked. "But Jordan Fanto? That was the best you could do? Really?" He silenced her with another kiss, and she knew she'd never want another partner for Questions and Answers.


	3. Pucked

Pucked

--

His hands gripped hers, and she gripped the stick. And she wished that she had worn a thicker sweater, but luckily enough she could benefit from the warmth of his coat for the time being. He gave her hands a push. "Now you just pull back like this," he instructed, and she let him guide her to swinging the stick way back. "And then you bring it back."

She felt an exhilarating feeling as the stick collided with the puck hard, smacking it across the ice and into the goal. "Slapshot! That's one point for you, Rin," he said, releasing her and giving her a congratulatory pat on the shoulder.

She turned around as best she could, still wobbling on her skates. "I want to try it again."

"Again?"

"Again." He nodded and put his arms back around her, his strong hands holding hers tightly against the top of the hockey stick. And that was when Squall had finally had enough.

"Okay, practice is over. Stop groping my girlfriend!" She sighed at the jealous tone in Squall's voice, and Irvine released her with a wicked smile on his face.

"Your girl has a wicked slapshot," Irvine retorted, skating smoothly away to retrieve the puck from the goal. He brought it back and set it down next to her stick and stayed a comfortable distance away. It was still not comfortable enough for Squall, who continued to scowl. Squall, who was too uninterested in playing hockey at the new Balamb rink to join her on the ice. It was his stupid fault that Irvine had to teach her. He could have laced up a pair of skates himself, but he had refused. Irvine had been kind enough to offer his services as her sports instructor in her boyfriend's place.

Quistis had tagged along, and she kept her eternally grumpy, anti-social lump of a boyfriend company in the stands just behind the goal. She caught the blonde's eye and smiled. Quistis shook her head in disbelief, her usual reaction to pretty much anything Squall Leonhart did or said.

"Come on, goalie. Let's see if she can get one past you," Quistis urged, and Squall seemed satisfied with this plan. Rinoa sighed at the growing smirk on his face. She could already tell that Squall was imagining several delightful scenarios, most of which involved Irvine Kinneas getting smacked in the face with a hockey puck.

"You think you're ready?" Irvine asked her quietly, and she didn't exactly have an answer. She felt fine when he was helping her, but she was still very new to the whole skating thing. Now she'd have to step up to a new level – skating and swinging a giant wooden stick at the same time. But she felt she was up to the challenge.

Rinoa rolled her eyes at the continued glee in Squall's face. He was probably envisioning Irvine getting taken out of the rink on a stretcher at this point. "Yes, Irvine. I'm ready as I'll ever be," she replied eagerly, tapping her stick on the ice with renewed enthusiasm. All she had to do was swing, right?

The cowboy turned skater headed back to the goal with a nod. He pulled a mask over his face (to Squall's immediately noticeable disappointment) and put on a chest protector and pads. "Alright. Why don't you skate towards me, swing and try and get it past me?"

"She's not ready for that!" Squall argued, and Rinoa could feel her blood boiling. Who was he to tell her what she could or could not do? He wouldn't even come down there! She tightened her grip on the stick and turned around, skating all the way to the other end of the rink.

"Oh yeah? Well, screw you!" she screamed at Squall, and even from this far away she could hear Quistis' enthusiastic laughter. Irvine hunkered down in front of the goal and signaled for her to start skating. So she did. She held the stick stiffly in front of her as she picked up speed, her eyes entirely focused on the little black puck.

"Ease up, Rin," Irvine called to her, and that was when her panic started. "Rin, you need to slow down!" She thought she saw Squall and Quistis stand up, and she wasn't exactly concerned about hitting the puck with the big stick anymore.

"How do I stop?" she cried out, her voice not sounding as terrified as she felt. The goal was coming up too quickly, and she wished she'd asked Irvine how to brake. Was that even the right word? Can you brake in ice skates? Her mind was pondering this as she dropped the stick and shot her arms out to try and keep her balance. Her ankles were shaking. How was she moving so fast?

She heard both Squall and Quistis cry her name as she collided with Irvine, and the well-intentioned goalie uttered a loud "Oof!" as she ran into him at full speed, knocking back into the net and toppling backwards onto the ice. She felt her ankle move in a way it shouldn't as they smacked hard onto the unforgiving rink, and she groaned.

"You idiot!" She heard Squall's voice, the fury radiating across the ice in a way she hadn't heard before. She was in big trouble. She looked up from the tangle of her limbs and Irvine's to see her boyfriend struggling to rush over to her, his big black boots slipping and sliding on the ice. He was by her side as quickly as he could, and as he moved her, the pain hit.

"Ow! Squall! Don't move me so fast!" Rinoa protested, but he ignored her, giving a swift kick against Irvine's chest protector to push him away from her. Irvine groaned as Quistis skidded her way over to help him up. Squall picked her up and carried her out of the rink, wobbling dangerously on the slick ice. Her ankle wasn't broken, but it felt like crap. "Squall, put me down! I think I twisted my ankle…"

He let out a murderous growl, and she shut her mouth. Hockey was probably a bad idea. Squall set her down on the bench he and Quistis had just vacated, propping her leg up. "Kinneas, get her an ice pack," he called out in his most authoritative Commander voice. Quistis rolled her eyes and hurried off to let Irvine off the hook. The goalie was probably ok, she guessed. He only had the wind knocked out of him.

Squall wrapped his jacket around her shoulders. "I shouldn't have let you do that. How could you be so dumb? You're going to be the death of me!"

"Blah blah, I love you, blah blah you should stick by me at all times, blah blah. I get it, alright?" she snapped back. "Just relax. It's a twisted ankle, for Hyne's sake."

"It could have been far worse, and you know it! God, Rin, you scared me…" She looked up to see the return of Squall's "Abandoned Puppy" face, this time with the added bonus of "Puppy that got kicked repeatedly and THEN Abandoned." She felt terrible.

"I'm sorry, hon," she replied softly, touching his face. He kissed her like he would surely die if his lips weren't attached to hers, and the tingling pain in her ankle subsided slightly.

"This is where I make a wisecrack about tonsil hockey, isn't it?"

She broke away to laugh, and Squall rolled his eyes at Quistis' joke. "Ha ha, Quis. Very funny." He snatched the ice pack from the blonde and settled it on her ankle. She gave Quistis a wink and let him tend to her.


	4. Human Pretzel

Human Pretzel

--

Rinoa yawned and lamented her lot in life. At least her lot in life for this evening. If the world was a perfect place, she'd be in the movie megaplex right now, Squall's arm around her. But alas, it was not to be. They'd missed the 7:30 show they aimed for, and a quick glance at the clock on the wall informed her that the 8:30 show had just started. The 9:30 was probably going to be a bust as well.

"Damn motherloving hell crap damn!"

Rinoa watched Quistis clap gleefully and Squall moan loudly. Her boyfriend was always at his most animated when playing Triple Triad, and his language was decidedly colorful when he lost. For someone who could probably be mistaken for a mute, Squall sure whined noisily when he played his stupid card game. Quistis had just won his only Shiva card, and he looked like he was going to throw a temper tantrum.

Beside her, Seifer looked about ready to pass out from boredom. She nudged him with her elbow. "We're a pair of Triple Triad widows, you know that?" What had started out as a best of three match had turned into best of seven, then ten, then twenty-one and by now, Rinoa had lost count.

He nodded in agreement. "Oh Seifer," he muttered in mockery of Quistis' voice, "we just _have_ to go see Killer Vampire Bats 2, it's gonna be great! And we can double date!"

Rinoa sighed. Instead, their double date to that stupid horror flick turned into her and Seifer watching Quistis and Squall play Triple Triad. The two of them hadn't budged from Squall's bed, and she and Seifer had been demoted to the floor. "We're almost done," Quistis mumbled, concentrating on the cards in her hand.

"Yeah, and I'm an alien," Seifer retorted grumpily. He got up from the floor and began rummaging through Squall's closet. "Do you have any chips or something?"

"Sign," Squall answered, not looking up from his cards. Rinoa rolled her eyes. Seifer slammed the closet door closed, sneering angrily at Squall's obnoxious print-out. _No food in here, please. Take it to the hallway – Management._ Seifer ripped the sign from the door, looking terribly proud of himself, but she shook her head.

"He's got about fifty of those printed out. You haven't solved anything," she informed him, and Seifer sat down at her side once more and began paging through an old _Weapons Monthly_. Rinoa watched a small grin quirk at the corners of her boyfriend's mouth, and it infuriated her. "Ugh, there has to be something to do. You know, Seifer, I bet if we went to the movie, they wouldn't even notice we left!"

"We would," Quistis replied cheerfully and took another card from Squall. Her boyfriend let out another slew of curse words, then demanded another rematch. Quistis eagerly accepted, and Rinoa couldn't take it any longer. She was about to stand up and scream, but she noticed a colorful box poking out beneath Squall's bed.

She pulled the box out, seeing it still wrapped in its original plastic. It looked to be a game called Human Pretzel. "Squall, what's this?"

He barely glanced over, and when he saw what she was holding, he frowned. "Laguna." Rinoa grinned. There was a note taped to the top of the box, and she detached it to read the heartfelt message from the President of Esthar.

_From the Desk of President Loire_

_Squall! Hey, how ya doing? Yeah, so this game has been surprisingly good with icebreaking and endless diplomatic meetings. Maybe you kids would like to try it. You know, you would simply not believe how good Ward is at this game. But don't tell him I said so, alright? Yeah, anyway, write back soon. Elle says hi, and we miss ya! _

_Laguna_

She heard Squall snort as she read the letter. Poor Laguna had been trying to reach out and get to know Squall a bit better, but the man didn't seem to know exactly how best to go about it. Sending gifts appeared to be the first olive branch. Squall had been the recent recipient of an elaborate coffee maker, a trampoline, and a set of encyclopedias. President Loire meant well, but Squall wished the man had sent receipts with everything.

Rinoa set the letter aside and opened the box, its only contents being a cardboard square with colored dots and a spinner along with a large white cloth covered in larger colored dots. Seifer looked over with interest, probably looking for anything to do that didn't involve watching a boring card game. "I'll play," he offered, taking the cloth and setting it down on the floor. They took their shoes off and tossed them in the corner.

She spun the spinner. "Ok, um…right hand red? I guess that means your right hand." Seifer obediently crouched down, slapping his hand on a red dot. She set the spinner down in front of him. Squall and Quistis didn't even look over.

Seifer let the spinner fly. "Left foot green." She placed her foot down and moved to hit the spinner again.

"Right foot blue." Seifer scratched his head and stretched his leg out to rest his foot on a blue dot.

He had to stretch a bit to get to the spinner again. "Left hand red." She surveyed the cloth, looking for the best red dot. If she just bent…this way, moving her arm over Seifer's leg…

"What the hell are you doing?" Squall interrupted, and she and Seifer looked up. It was then that Rinoa saw where Human Pretzel might lead. The dirty look on Seifer's face showed that he knew all along.

"What does it look like we're doing, Squall?" she snapped back, trying to get a rise of him. That would show him for ignoring her all night. He may have agreed to the movie, but she'd let him pick the stupid vampire bat thing. And they hadn't even gone! And now he was getting uppity yet again?

Seifer spun the spinner. "Left hand yellow!" He maneuvered his way around her suggestively. "Ah, Rin. Just like old times…"

And with that, Squall launched himself from the bed to tackle him. Rinoa dove out of the way and shared a grin with Quistis, who didn't seem at all perturbed by Seifer's behavior. Seifer would always be Seifer. Squall on the other hand…

Her boyfriend had his fists gripped around Seifer's shirt. "Don't touch her. Don't think about touching her. Don't even think about thinking about touching her!" Seifer was laughing hysterically at Squall's threats, and Quistis and Rinoa joined in too. Squall didn't find it all that funny, releasing him. He began folding the cloth up erratically, shoving it into the Human Pretzel box along with the spinner. "This thing is going back to Esthar!"

"It was a gift!" she pointed out to him, "you can't send it back! You'll hurt his feelings!"

Seifer sat up and shook his head. "You know, Squall…if you don't want it, I'd be happy to…"

"No way," Quistis responded almost immediately. She gathered up her Triad cards and extended a hand to help Seifer from the floor. "We'll reschedule the movie, ok?" Rinoa nodded, and the other couple took off for the night before Squall killed either one of them over cards or over Human Pretzel.

She smiled as Squall sat at his desk and took out a sheet of paper and a pen. "What are you doing?" she inquired, peering over his shoulder.

"Writing to Laguna."

"What are you going to say?"

He looked up from the paper and scowled. "I'm telling him to stick this stupid game where the sun won't shine."

Her jaw dropped. "You wouldn't dare!"

Squall frowned and set the pen down. "No, I guess I shouldn't." He poked the Human Pretzel box with his foot. "What runs through his head? Does he go to the store and just say 'You know, seeing this, I'm reminded of Squall'? Because I can't figure it out. Maybe he draws stupid ideas from a hat?"

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed the top of his head. "He's trying, Squall. He really is. You just need to give him some time, and I don't know…point him in the right direction?"

He gripped her hand and squeezed it. "I guess so. But you know, Rin, if the General decided to send you a membership to the Exotic Cheese of the Month club, you'd be a bit taken aback too."

Rinoa giggled, thinking of the Winhill cheddar Squall had donated to the cafeteria the other day. "Yeah, I suppose you're right about that." She bent down and picked the spinner back out of the box, letting her finger flick it a few times. "Are you really going to send it back?"

He turned and raised his eyebrows suggestively. "Well, not tonight…" He kissed her gently, easing the spinner out of her hands. Squall broke away first and gave her a winning smile. "I'm totally kicking your ass at this game, Heartilly."

She laughed again and dug the cloth back out of the Human Pretzel box.


	5. Boys are Stupid Morons Day

Boys are Stupid Morons Day

--

"Selphie, I'm worried about Squall."

Her friend shook her head angrily. "No, none of that today, Rinoa! It's Boys are Stupid Morons Day, and I won't have you tarnish it with your genuine and heartfelt concern for your boyfriend. You may only talk about him if you're going to complain!" Selphie snapped back as harshly as she could. It sounded more like she was scolding a dog for peeing on the rug rather than genuine anger, but bless her, she was trying.

Rinoa kept her thoughts about Squall to herself. Selphie went back to the rack of dresses she was perusing, mumbling under her breath about "stupid" Irvine. Today was Selphie's birthday, and they were shopping in Balamb. It was "retail therapy" seeing as how Irvine had forgotten it was her birthday. Or at least that's what Selphie thought. In fact, "stupid" Irvine had planned a big surprise party for his girl that night. He'd even booked a historic train car at the Balamb station for the party, a move that Rinoa found to be the sweetest thing ever, knowing how much Selphie loved trains. Squall described the gesture as "cavity inducing."

It was taking all Rinoa could muster not to let Selphie in on the surprise, but she wanted to see the look on her face when she realized that her cowboy of a boyfriend was in fact not a moron. "Who goes fishing on his girlfriend's birthday?" Selphie grumbled, tossing a dress into Rinoa's arms. "And another thing. Since when does Irvine _fish_?" She'd come to be supportive and ended up being dragged around store after store in search of the perfect dress. She currently held about ten potentially perfect dresses, and they were growing uncomfortably heavy in her arms.

Not to mention that she was genuinely worried about her own boyfriend. Squall had not been sleeping, and every morning she'd wake him to go to breakfast and find him slumped over in front of the computer terminal in his bedroom. And during the day, she'd catch him on the terminal in his office, quickly clicking off something whenever she'd walk into the room. Whenever she asked him what was going on, he'd say that it was "important Commander business." Squall was an awful liar, but she had to trust him. But it was incredibly suspicious.

Selphie was finally ready to move to the changing room to try on the slew of dresses, and Rinoa trudged after her silently. If the day's theme was Boys are Stupid Morons, maybe she could broach the Squall topic if she rephrased her concerns. Selphie might know what to do. "Toss over the blue one with the halter top first!" her friend called through the door of the changing stall, and Rinoa obediently held it over the top of the door.

"Squall's been a real idiot lately," she began tentatively. Selphie's snort of laughter encouraged her to continue. "I think he's cheating on me with some online girl. He's always on the computer, and he keeps telling me it's nothing."

"Oh Rin, Squall may be an anti-social, grumpy, idiotic loser but he's not a cheater. He adores you, and besides, he knows that we'd all kick his ass from here to Centra if he did something to hurt you!" Selphie called back. "This dress stinks! How about the green one with the sequins?" Rinoa smiled and handed over the next dress in the pile. She knew in her heart that Squall wasn't a cheater either, but it always felt good to have external confirmation that your relationship was solid.

She listened to Selphie tug on a zipper impatiently. "Ugh, I've been eating too much. How do you stay so thin?"

"Good metabolism," she replied with a smile. Selphie was far thinner than her, but she was in a phase it seemed. "And I don't let Zell con me into hot dog eating contests any more."

Her friend sighed. "Yeah, I need to stop doing that, or I'll never see my feet again! Anyhow, purple one next!" Rinoa handed over dress number three, hoping it would be the winner. She wanted to get back to confront Squall. If she had to tickle him to incapacitate him, so be it. She was going to see what he was doing on that damned computer all day and night.

Selphie opened the door and paraded around the dressing room. "Well?"

"You look fantastic. That idiot will regret going fishing on your birthday for sure," she replied, doing her best to keep up appearances. Selphie smiled. The dress was a keeper, and her friend bounded over to the cashier to pay. Rinoa returned the dresses to their rightful racks.

Satisfied with her shopping and a successful Boys are Stupid Morons day, Selphie followed her back to the car, and they drove back to the Garden. It was always a bit strange to see the big structure parked next to the giant crater, but she was getting used to it. There was no real reason for the school to be mobile any longer anyhow.

Rinoa saw a beautiful new convertible parked in the lot, and she and Selphie openly envied whoever was the lucky owner. They parked the old rickety Garden car and walked in. Squall would be in his office still. She needed to see him before she burst. "I'll see you tonight!" she called as Selphie walked away, and she regretted it as soon as she said it.

"Why? What's tonight?" her friend asked curiously.

"Oh, nothing! Nothing! I just uh…maybe we could go out for dinner or something?" It was such a bad cover. Would Selphie go for it?

Her friend smiled. "Anything to get away from Irvine. When he comes back tonight, I'm kicking him in the shins. I'm going to tell Dr. Kadowaki to expect him sooner or later." Rinoa laughed and watched Selphie scamper off, and she hurried to the elevator.

When she arrived, she could hear Squall's furious typing from the other side of the door. Without knocking, she barged into the room, and he looked up in irritation. She saw him move his mouse to click something on his screen. "No you don't, Squall!" she cried and raced over, heaving herself between her boyfriend in his chair and his desk.

He tried to shove her off his lap. "Rin, I'm going over student applications. I don't need this right now." She leaned forward to grab the mouse, and he kept trying to grab it away from her. "Hey! What are you doing?"

She kept trying to click on the program, and he was tugging on the mouse and doing his best to keep her away. "What are you hiding from me?"

He squirmed in his chair, trying to wheel back away from the desk so she couldn't reach the mouse. "I'm not hiding anything!" he protested.

"Oh yeah?" she shouted angrily. She found that sensitive spot beneath his ribs and tickled him mercilessly until he released her. She grabbed the mouse and clicked the program. "Then why are you always doing…"

She closed her eyes and groaned, and she heard him fidgeting in the seat behind her. "Squall, how much money have you wasted on here?" He said nothing, and she opened her eyes to stare at the screen.

_Triple Triad Addicts Online – Take the Challenge  
Welcome, cmdrlion!  
Current Logged Hours: 342.7  
Credits Earned: 23578_

"Squall, how much?" she repeated. He mumbled something under his breath. "How much, _Commander Lion_?"

Squall turned scarlet. "34,270 gil. It's 100 gil an hour…"

"100 gil an hour!"

"Rinoa…"

"You told me you were saving that! You were going to buy a car!" Granted, Squall had plenty of gil from varying SeeD missions, but paying to play a card game he could play for free right there at the Garden? "You…you…you stupid moron!" Boys are Stupid Morons Day was an ingenious invention.

He pulled her back onto his lap and tugged on her hair. "Don't we need to get ready for Selphie's party?"

"Oh, don't change the subject, mister! You look like a zombie! You need to stop playing this stupid game!" she argued, trying to ignore how nice it felt to be in his arms. He was getting better at distracting her from any points of contention she had with him. She clicked the window shut and heard him sigh. Rinoa stood up and stared down at him. "The next several hundred gil that you spend will not be spent there. We still need to buy Selphie a present."

He groaned and rose from the chair. He put his arm around her, and they walked to the door. "She talks too much. How about we get her a muzzle?"

"Squall!" She gave him a swift kick in the shins, and he cried out, hopping on his other leg.

"What? It was a joke! I'm still working on my delivery."

"Obviously." They took the elevator down to the parking lot, and Squall stopped abruptly.

He took a key from his pocket and put it in her hand. "Alright, there's something I've been hiding. I don't just go on that Triple Triad board to play cards." Her heart sank. Could it really be true? Had he met someone? Someone more grumpy and quiet like himself? "I've been talking to this girl in Deling City, and…well, uh…" She felt tears fill her eyes. Squall had a one-way ass kicking ticket to Centra courtesy of Selphie Tilmitt.

She looked up at him, and he suddenly looked horrified. "No…NO! No, it's not what you're thinking! Oh damn it, no no!" He shook her shoulders and pushed her forward. "The car! The girl sold me the car!" Rinoa blinked and saw the gorgeous convertible she'd admired before.

She smiled through her tears. "You stupid moron."

He rolled his eyes. "I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought if Kinneas could book a train car, then I could buy you the car you wanted."

Always a competition, she thought. Squall Leonhart was a constant riddle…wait.

"The car_ I_ wanted? You mean?"

He gestured to the key in her hand. "Are you deaf? Let's go already." She squealed and threw her arms around his neck. No more borrowing the awful Garden car. No more noisy muffler, no more broken windshield wipers, no more blinking Check Engine light. She jumped behind the wheel and turned the key in the ignition.

"Squall, you can play Triple Triad online until your eyes pop out of your head." He grinned, and she pulled out of the parking lot. She loved her stupid moron.


	6. The Miracle of Life

The Miracle of Life

--

Squall fidgeted nervously on the cafeteria bench beside her, his leg tapping the floor over and over. Rinoa felt like decking him, but she was concerned too. The Garden cafeteria was empty at this time in the afternoon since lunch was over, and she sat at a table along with Quistis, Selphie, Irvine, and Seifer. All that Cid had said was "Cafeteria. 2:00" and she wondered if something was gravely wrong. Considering how chatty Irvine and Selphie usually were, their silence was rather noticeable…and even more worry-inducing.

At five minutes to 2:00, Cid Kramer arrived. He pushed a cart with an older television and VCR into the room, and she gave her boyfriend an inquisitive look. Squall shrugged his shoulders, and Rinoa sighed. What was Cid up to? The older man was not his jovial self, his arms crossing his red sweater vest as he frowned in turn at each of them. "You might be wondering why you are all here this afternoon. I think I will let Mr. Kinneas or Miss Tilmitt explain."

The two of them each turned a solid shade of red, and Squall pressed his forehead down on the table to avoid whatever uncomfortable answer was coming. "We apologized, sir. Don't do this," Selphie moaned.

"Yeah, like, we won't do it again. Well, I mean, we won't do it _there_ again," Irvine pleaded, and Cid frowned even further. Rinoa had an idea where the conversation was going, and she bit her lip to keep from laughing. Beside her, Squall began bumping his forehead against the tabletop rhythmically in a sorry attempt to drown everything out.

Cid shook his head. "No, it's not the where that I'm here about today, although that displeases me in equal measure. It's the act itself…"

"This is not happening…" Seifer muttered, attempting to rise from his seat.

The headmaster held up a hand in warning. "Mr. Almasy, since you still reside on these premises, you will sit down and shut your mouth or find somewhere new to live. Now, as I was saying. Mr. Kinneas and Miss Tilmitt's actions have led me to realize that the state of sexual education at this Garden..."

"Headmaster, Dr. Kadowaki already…" Quistis interrupted, her face flushed with embarrassment. Squall's head tapping grew to a noisy enough level that Rinoa slid her hand between his head and the table to muffle the sound.

Rinoa had never seen Cid Kramer livid like this. "Dr. Kadowaki has obviously not gotten through to any of you. No more interruptions! This facility will not be turned into a daycare for any babies that are the result of drunken fumbling in the secret area of the training center. And yes I know about the secret area, Mr. Almasy, I wasn't born yesterday! Mr. Leonhart, get your head off the table! Now you will sit and watch this video about the miracle of childbirth…"

"Oh Hyne, no…" Squall mumbled, lifting his head to reveal a pink splotch across his forehead, and Cid cleared his throat angrily.

"You will watch this video, and maybe you will consider the dangers of your actions! Quistis, hand down. I don't care if you're eighteen or eighty-five, put your hand down. As long as you live here, I am responsible for you. Miss Heartilly, this isn't a laughing matter!" Rinoa covered her mouth to contain her laughter, and Cid huffed and puffed to the VCR and pressed the play button.

Cheesy saxophone music wafted through the cafeteria then as they were introduced to Sarai and Dillan, a pair of "ordinary" teenagers who made the "huge" mistake of having sex before they were married. How old was this video? Who even thought like this nowadays? The camera then panned back to reveal Sarai's huge baby belly, and Rinoa noticed Selphie's face turn almost green at the sight. The scene moved to a hospital room where Sarai was now in labor. She glanced around the table to see Irvine hiding under his hat, Quistis with her arms crossed tightly, Squall gaping in horror, and Seifer reading through an old _Weapons Monthly_. Rinoa turned back to the video, but she spied Cid snatching the magazine away from Seifer, smacking him on the back of the head with it.

The labor continued for what felt like an eternity, and Rinoa was tempted to use her sorceress powers to zap the VCR with a bolt of lightning, but she held it in. Shortly thereafter, the bloody, gooey baby emerged from the mother, eliciting terrified screams from all in attendance.

"Hyne, Cid, I swear…we'll never, ever again…please, just shut it off!" Selphie squealed.

Cid mercifully did so, and Rinoa noticed that Squall had edged away from her during the video, and she sighed. She raised her hand.

"Despite what you might think, Mr. Kramer, Squall and I have not had…" She received a sharp poke in the side from her boyfriend then, and she realized her mistake. She turned to see the biggest smile in the history of mankind emerge on Seifer's face. Perhaps saying that she and Squall had not rounded all the proverbial bases was not the best thing to admit in front of your friends. Especially in front of an ex-boyfriend.

"Are you kidding me? Even _chicken wuss_ is getting laid!" Seifer asked incredulously, and the others started talking excitedly. Squall's eyes seemed to burn an angry hole through her face. She wasn't making him wait so much as she wanted their first time to be perfect, was that so bad? Looking at her friends' faces, she realized that yeah, it probably was.

"Enough!" Cid cried grumpily, his eyes narrowing. He grabbed a garbage bag from beneath the rolling TV cart. "You children…" Quistis groaned. "You _children_ are the leaders of this institution. The younger students look to you for guidance! I can't have you running amok in my school having _intercourse_ in my classrooms!" Seifer raised his eyebrows at Irvine, and then offered him a high five. "And so to drive home the purpose of today's talk, step forward and accept the consequences of your actions…or your _potential_ actions, Mr. Leonhart." Selphie and Quistis giggled, and Squall looked about ready to pass out in embarrassment.

Rinoa stood up first to take one for the team, approaching Cid cautiously. He gestured for her to reach into the garbage bag. Her hand closed around a soft, lumpy bag, and she pulled on it. "You're out of it, old man!" Seifer cried, jumping to his feet, and Quistis buried her head in her hands. Rinoa examined her "consequences," a small bag of flour that Cid had drawn a face on. He'd also managed to attach a baby bonnet to the top and a diaper at the bottom.

"So you're saying that having sex leads to baking?" Irvine inquired innocently, and Cid yanked another flour baby from the bag and flung it at him.

"No, Mr. Kinneas. It means you've just become a father. Now go act like one! One week with these babies, and we'll see how much romping you do around my school!"

"But sir, you flung the flour baby like a basketball. You're not setting a good example," Selphie noted, and Cid scowled. He handed the third bag of flour to Quistis and left the room in a huff. Selphie poked the flour bag with her finger and smiled at everyone. "Irvy and I proudly present our fake baby, Sir Laguna!"

Squall was away from the table in seconds, stomping off like he had murder on his mind. Rinoa smiled and cradled the flour baby. "Maybe ours can have a play date, Selphie," she said jokingly.

"Seifer, don't!" Quistis screamed as she was suddenly covered in flour. Rinoa whirled around to see that Seifer had ripped the flour bag open and dumped it out on the cafeteria table. He started flinging handfuls of their baby around in protest, and Quistis shook her head and left. Irvine and Selphie left shortly thereafter, depositing their "child" in the cafeteria kitchen. Rinoa stared at the creepy drawn-on eyes and mouth and sighed. She carried the bag of flour all the way to the dorms, knocking on Squall's door when she got there.

"Are you alright? I brought little Squall Junior." She heard an angry growl through the door, and she entered to find him lying on his stomach, his pillow over his head. She sat down on the edge of the bed, propping the bag of flour up next to his pillow. He sighed as she slid her hand under his t-shirt to rub his back. "I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of your friends. I thought they knew we were waiting for the right time."

Squall moved the pillow, knocking his fake son to the floor with a soft thud. "Do you think it's too late to request a transfer to the Lunar Base? I'm sure Esthar needs more astronauts."

She smiled and set the bag of flour upright on the floor. Squall moved onto his side, gesturing for her to lie down next to him. She did so, and he wrapped his arm around her. He let his fingers flutter over her stomach, and she laughed. "Did Sarai and Dillan not reach you? This path leads to danger and shame and babies made of flour!"

He let his hand go still and simply held onto her. "Do you think we'll be as boneheaded and strange as Cid when we get older?"

Rinoa considered his words. "I sincerely hope not. We've just had a strange array of adults in our lives." He snorted under his breath, and she smiled.


	7. Gift Registry

Gift Registry

--

"Tell me again why we couldn't just buy them something in Balamb," her boyfriend demanded, and Rinoa rolled her eyes.

"For the millionth time, Squall. They're registered at Fratelli's, and there isn't one in Balamb!" A childhood friend of Rinoa's was getting married in a few weeks, and the concept of a gift registry was far beyond the comprehension of Squall Leonhart. They were walking the bustling streets of Timber that afternoon, and he'd been complaining the whole time. He wasn't a very fun person to shop with, but the gift for Andie and Shawn would come from both of them, and Rinoa would not let him off the hook.

They rounded the corner, and the giant department store loomed up ahead. There was a man in a top hat and long coat serving as a doorman, and she can tell that her boyfriend felt grossly out of place. Women draped in furs were hurrying in and out of the store, and Squall shoved his hands in his pockets as they walked up to the door. The doorman tipped his hat as they entered, and she had a difficult time keeping her enthusiasm in check. Rinoa loved Fratelli's, and although the Deling City flagship store was grander, the Timber version was still beautiful.

Glass elevators moved between the numerous floors, and sales clerks rushed to and fro spraying new perfumes and trying to promote the latest sales. There were exotic plants and flowers scattered throughout the building, and a man was hired just to play the grand piano in the main lobby. Rinoa could spend hours in the store and not get bored, but Squall looked like he'd rather be helping Selphie with the Garden Festival. A woman immediately rushed up to them, and Squall recoiled like one of Irvine's guns. "Don't spray me! Don't you spray me!" he cried, ducking behind her to hide.

She rolled her eyes and held out her wrist. "It's ladies' perfume, Squall." The woman smiled and sprayed her outstretched arm and moved off to attack the next group of customers. She sniffed her wrist and offered it for Squall's inspection, and he gave it a whiff. He shrugged his shoulders, his usual answer when it came to perfume. Rinoa pulled Squall past the cosmetics and perfume counters, and after only a few moments, he was looking like he was ready to sneeze or pass out from the myriad smells invading his poor nose. Luckily, the registry counter was just beyond the last makeup counter. He stood back with his arms crossed while she asked for a copy of Andie's list.

He immediately snatched it away from her and pointed to the first thing on the list. "Alright, she wants a coffee maker. Good. Let's get that."

She yanked the papers back with a huff. "Squall! We need to find something perfect. I'm not getting the girl I went to school with for seven years a boring coffee maker!" She stomped off to a bank of elevators, hearing him moaning as he trudged after her. Rinoa pressed herself against the glass and looked down at the busy store as the elevator rose to the home furnishings floor. Squall got stuck next to a wealthy looking woman with a large hat who was carrying a yapping Chihuahua in her large bag. The dog seemed to hate Squall immediately and barked at him incessantly the entire elevator ride. She could tell that her boyfriend was wishing he'd brought his gunblade.

They reached home furnishings, and she perused the list. "How about a waffle maker?"

Squall frowned. "Don't you just put them in the toaster?"

She felt like she was speaking with an alien sometimes. "Well, waffle _maker _implies that you're making them yourself. Meaning not out of a box from the freezer." Squall continued to look at her like she had three heads. "Fine. No waffle maker. How about a bread maker?"

"How much bread do you need to make? It costs 100 gil for a loaf at the store."

She flipped through the next few pages of the registry, avoiding the next few insert-food-here makers so Squall wouldn't make a stupid comment. Rinoa found something that he might understand a bit better. "Alright. Cutlery set."

He shrugged, and she knew it before he even said it. "Whatever." She closed her eyes and counted to ten, then walked in the direction of the silverware and kitchen utensils as calmly as she could. His shuffling footsteps behind her at least indicated that he was still following dutifully. They browsed a few aisles before coming across the set Andie requested. Her boyfriend sighed and pointed to the set. "8300 gil for knives?" He walked a few steps over and gestured to another set. "This one's cheaper." This coming from a guy who had recently bought her a brand new car as a surprise.

Rinoa picked up the box in front of her. "Andie wants this one. It's on the list."

"Knives are knives, Rinoa."

She tucked the box of knives under her arm and marched over. "I am not going to have this argument. You have been uncooperative all day, Squall, and I do not want to make a scene. Especially in the cutlery aisle, and believe me, sorceress powers include a wee bit of telekinesis, so don't provoke me."

"That's not funny," he muttered angrily.

"Then don't push your luck," she snapped, shoving the cutlery box in his arms. "Let's just pay for this. And because you've been such a moaning prat today, we're having lunch at the restaurant here in the store." He scowled and followed her to the check-out. Squall continued to appear bored out of his mind as the shop girl scanned the item and checked it against the registry. The girl proceeded to elaborately gift wrap the box for an additional charge that elicited another whine from her boyfriend. Rinoa didn't understand why he was so put out about the cost of the gift – he was the one with the big fancy SeeD salary, and she was paying her half out of her own savings.

The gift was finally wrapped and ready, and they took the luckily Chihuahua-free elevator up to the top floor. There were big plate glass windows wrapping around the entire floor, affording a gorgeous view of Timber. From this height, it was easy to see all the train tracks crisscrossing the city as well as the large screens near the television studio. Squall was a bit more agreeable once he got his food. She let her eyes scan the registry again in between bites, wondering if she'd ever get to register at a fancy store like Fratelli's.

"Squall?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you ever think about getting married?"

The answer wasn't entirely unexpected, but the spray of Squall's water across the table from his mouth to her shirt wasn't altogether pleasant. "We're 17!" he sputtered.

"Yes, I'm aware of that. Nor did I say that you'd be getting married _to me _. I just wondered if you ever thought about it." She stabbed a piece of chicken with her fork and chewed it nervously since Squall was taking an agonizingly long time formulating a response.

He took a bite of his own food and frowned. "Well, to tell you the truth, no. And don't freak out! But no, I have not thought about getting married. I can barely remember to make my bed in the morning, Rin. The whole wedding thing seems insane. You have to plan this big stupid party with color coordinated tablecloths and place settings and party favors and centerpieces and napkins and napkin rings, whatever the hell those are, and then you need to pick music. And then you need to pick people that irritate you slightly less than everyone else and ask them to stand up with you in the ceremony. And you generate lists and lists of crap you want people to buy for you and even then, you know that it's all going to sit in the attic unused. And then you have to dress up and prance around in front of people you only invited because you know they're going to give you money, and you have to pretend you're happy they came even though you don't remember their names. The whole thing should really just be about the person you want to spend the rest of your life with." He took a deep breath and prodded his food around with his spoon, and Rinoa stared in disbelief. Squall looked up in confusion. "What?"

"Admit it. You _have_ thought about getting married."

He turned scarlet. "Maybe."

She set her utensils down and clapped her hands excitedly. "You want to marry me. Squall Leonhart wants to marry _me_."

Squall rolled his eyes. "You're imagining things."

She leaned on her elbow and sighed in happiness. "You want to marry me!" she repeated dreamily.

"Keep dreaming," he muttered defensively, taking a sip of his water. His skin was the color of a tomato by this point. He flailed his arm for the server, asking hurriedly for the bill. She sat back and crossed her arms, smiling at him. It would be years and years away, but maybe it wouldn't hurt to start planning now?

"So," she began with a devilish wink, "how do you feel about blue and silver?"

He pulled out his wallet and threw a wad of bills down. "This discussion is over." He grabbed the wrapped present and stomped out of the restaurant, still blushing furiously. She giggled and followed him to the elevator. Rinoa let her eyes flicker over the beautiful store as they descended. She hoped the next time she was in Fratelli's she'd be the one zapping gifts for her own registry.


	8. The Commander's Class

A/N: I'm so lame. It's been ages since I've written an installment of this series. Forgive me and enjoy!

--

She didn't know how her boyfriend could wear that jacket of his in the Training Center. Rinoa was sweating in a tank top and shorts, and she was just sitting on the ground. Squall was actually working. She'd tagged along that day to watch Squall's gunblade instruction class. There were only three students – two boys no older than fifteen and a girl who was about thirteen. It made Rinoa smile to see how much more disciplined the girl was.

The more impatient of the two boys, Leo, was a thorn in her boyfriend's side. And today was no different. Since the lesson had begun half an hour ago, Squall had already given the boy a verbal warning for charging a Grat without waiting for his classmates. To be honest, Squall wasn't the most engaging instructor Garden had. He was very methodical and exacting, and Rinoa thought that the kids would be more attentive if he actually let them do something instead of telling them about strategy.

The three teens were sitting on the ground while Squall demonstrated for probably the millionth time the quickest way to reload the gun with ammo mid-battle.

"Ideally, you won't be alone and then you can take the time to load a new clip…Leo, eyes on me alright? But in the event that you're stuck, you have to be willing to go without the gun. Now the bullets add a degree of weight and you'll have to adjust…"

Rinoa watched the kids' shoulders sink lower and lower, and the other boy, Rolan, was absentmindedly tracing letters on the dirt floor. Leo's eyes were everywhere else in the training center but on his teacher. He probably wanted a T-Rexaur to ambush them. The girl, Wendie, was the best behaved, but even from a distance, Rinoa could see that the girl was trying desperately to stifle a yawn.

"Commander?" Rinoa interrupted, and she was immediately greeted with a glare. Squall hated being disturbed in the middle of a lecture since he usually lost his place. He especially hated when she was the one interrupting. She watched Leo and Rolan elbow each other, and Wendie was giving her a grateful look.

"Yes, Miss Heartilly, what is it?" He always addressed her properly in front of his students, although it was clear to anyone with functioning optic nerves that they were involved with each other.

"Perhaps it would be more helpful if you actually showed them how you do that in battle? You know, take the clip out and reload it? I could pretend to fight you."

Squall looked none too pleased with this suggestion. "I don't see how that would…"

"Please, Commander?" Wendie begged, jumping to her feet in excitement. "You're always explaining it, but we've never seen you in action!" The boys stood up too and murmured sounds of agreement.

Squall sighed loudly, and Rinoa knew she'd won a victory for his pupils. "Fine. Heartilly, fire spell and I'll parry it."

She rose to her feet and tried to look serious, but on the inside she was laughing. She'd earn the gil for that new sweater easily. "Lay him out, Rinoa!" Leo shouted, and Squall's gloved hand tightened around the gun handle. Rinoa could tell that he was itching to pull the trigger. The students stood at a reasonable distance, and Squall got set in his battle stance. He pulled the ammo clip out and tossed it aside.

"And let's go one step at a time, shall we?" her boyfriend remarked as a warning. He was even going to have her do this in slow motion? The kids would get no sense of a battle in real time. Squall held his gunblade at the ready, and she held up her hand as if she were about to cast a spell and let it hover in midair. "Rolan, I'm under attack. Options?"

The boy scratched his head. "You just threw your clip in the bush over there…"

Squall lowered the gunblade and looked back at his student. "Rolan, are you taking this seriously?" Squall was about to continue his verbal assault of the poor kid when Rinoa flicked her wrist and sent a mild Fire spell in her boyfriend's direction. "Hey!" he cried out in surprise, deflecting it at the last second with his blade. "What are you doing?"

She smiled. "A monster doesn't wait, you know." She readied another spell and sent it his way. He deflected it again, and his face grew dark. The kids were mesmerized as he beat back spell after spell, although she was taking it pretty easy on him. Of course, his students couldn't know that.

The sparks of a more powerful Fira attack flickered off the edge of the gunblade, and Squall gritted his teeth and attempted to continue his lesson. "Wendie, do I reload or charge her like this?"

"Charge!" Wendie cried excitedly.

Squall took a few measured steps forward, painfully slowly to Rinoa's utter amusement. "Now," he shouted, barely deflecting a Firaga attack, "my gunblade is lighter without the clip so I adjust my angle in a downswing…"

Her boyfriend raised his gunblade over his head, and she winked at the students. As he was about to come down way off target (intentionally, of course), she narrowed her eyes and flicked her wrist violently. Squall froze in place, only his head unaffected by the paralysis of her Stop spell. The students laughed hysterically.

"Rinoa, what the hell do you think…"

"Squall…" she said with a tsk-tsk noise. "What if this happens in a real battle?" She walked up to him and gave him a few pokes in the ticklish spot just under his ribs, and his face turned scarlet. "You can't even attack me, much less reload your silly gun." She turned to the three giggling teenagers. "Don't laugh, it's not funny." The boys tried in vain to be quiet, but Wendie at least listened attentively. "The lesson here is never go off alone. Trust your friends, and always bring a partner."

"Rinoa, that's not the point of the lesson…"

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Well, your lesson, _Commander_, was not teaching them anything useful!"

He was able to tilt his head slightly, but he was still frozen in place. "My lessons are designed to give them practical and applicable…"

"Practical and applicable lessons for due diligence and strategic decision making when in battle," she parroted along with him. "Do you always quote verbatim from the Garden instructor manual? You can't plan everything, Commander. You can lecture these kids all day, but they won't know what it's really like until you're really out there. I learned that myself…from you." She remembered her first days fighting by his side. Rinoa had expected every battle to be fairly similar, but watching Squall and the others change their tactics instinctively and without time to strategize had been a tough lesson to learn.

He was silent. The students seemed to sense a temper tantrum coming in their direction. Rinoa gave the three teens a smile. "Chemistry starts in fifteen minutes, you'd all better hurry." The students seemed excited to be dismissed and picked up their weapons and raced out of the training center.

"Will you unfreeze me already?" Squall demanded huffily. "You've made your point, alright?"

She sighed and gave his paralyzed arm a poke. "I'm sorry I made you look silly in front of them, but they need lessons in teamwork, not in reloading a gunblade. Give them some credit, will you? They're smart kids, and you're stifling their creativity!"

"Stifling their creativity?!" he shouted, and she could see his fingers beginning to quiver a bit as the spell slowly began to break its hold over him. "They need to master the basics before anything else!"

"But you're going at a glacial pace, Squall! I think Seifer could teach gunblade tactics more effectively than you!"

"Take that back!" he scolded. "He's reckless!"

"He improvises!"

"His stance is too open!"

A throat cleared and a cocky voice emerged from it. "He's standing right here."

Squall slowly pivoted his head to see Seifer Almasy strutting into the Training Center like a proud peacock. "Beyond my expectations, Rin. Fantastic!" Seifer walked up to Squall and gave him a poke in the chest. "I bet this really woke those kids up."

"Rinoa, what aren't you telling me?" Squall inquired, his eyes flicking dangerously back and forth between her and Seifer.

She smiled and patted his head. "Some of your students have been asking Seifer for private lessons. He thought it was best that you improve your lesson plans before he steals them away from you."

Seifer nodded and laughed. "You're like an old man out here, Leonhart. You need to grow a pair and really teach these kids how to beat the stuffing out of each other. So I figured I'd have Rinoa get the point across to you."

The Commander frowned, and Rinoa could see his foot start to tap a little bit. They only had a few more seconds before Squall attempted to kill them both. "You let him con you into humiliating me in front of my students?"

"It's not a con! It was a suggestion!" Rinoa argued.

"A suggestion with a monetary reward," Seifer added snidely, and he pulled out his wallet. "You get the satisfaction of getting some important feedback on your teaching, Rinoa gets to buy more clothes than she really needs, and as for me? I don't have to teach those brats how to really use a gunblade." He slapped a handful of gil in her palm. "Oh, and you can blame me for the Stop spell. That was all my idea."

Squall's gunblade was shaking where he held it in place over his head, and he looked about ready to shoot lasers from his eyes in Seifer's direction. "The both of you will start running right now. If you do not, I swear to Hyne, Seifer…you will find something unpleasant in your oatmeal tomorrow morning."

Seifer laughed hysterically. "That's quite a threat coming from you, very nice, Squall." He held up his hands in surrender. "I just want you to be the best little gunblade instructor you can be." He put his wallet back in his pocket and turned around, the sound of his laughter echoing throughout the empty Training Center.

When they were finally alone, Rinoa snapped her fingers, and Squall unfroze, his gunblade crashing down to the ground. His arms were probably sore from holding it up so long. She smiled. "Are you going to put something unpleasant in my oatmeal too, Commander?"

He began to stalk off in the direction of the dorms. "I'm not talking to you."

She rolled her eyes and began to hurry after him. "Oh, don't be such a grump. You really don't want Seifer Almasy of all people to be an instructor."

Squall snorted. "I'd have to sign off on it. I don't care if he can telekinetically hover the damn gunblade in the air with his pea-sized brain, he'll never be a teacher."

Rinoa was happy. She'd definitely gotten through to him. "Will you be changing your lesson plans tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Will you allow for more spontaneous instruction?"

"Yes."

"Will you give me a kiss and say 'Thank you for saving my ass from potentially greater humiliation, Rinoa'?"

"No."

"How about 'Thank you for helping me to realize my true potential in the classroom'?"

"No."

"Oh come on, Squall!" she said with a laugh and linked her arm in his.

His eyes sparkled mischievously then, a wry grin crossing his face. "How about this? Thank you, Miss Heartilly, for breaking Section 6, Line 47 of the Garden Code of Conduct."

She grew a bit nervous. She didn't have the code memorized to the very last punctuation mark like he did since she liked to think that she had a life. "What's Section 6, Line 47?"

Squall shrugged his shoulders indifferently. "Insubordination in the classroom." They reached his dorm room, and he gave her a little push inside.

She caught on quickly enough and raised an eyebrow. "And what's the punishment for that?"

Rinoa smiled as her boyfriend threw the lock on the door. "A private detention with the Commander."

He tossed his gunblade aside and stepped across the room to grab a hold of her. "Why Squall Leonhart, are you abusing your authority?"

Squall gave her an impatient kiss, stealing her breath. "You have two choices for how to complete this detention, Miss Heartilly. Option 1: 1000 lines. 'I will not interrupt Commander Leonhart's class.'"

She wrapped her arms around him. "And what's my second choice?" He chose not to explain the second choice as he explained gunblade tactics to his students. Instead, he decided to show her.


	9. Mail Call

"Do we really need the binoculars?" Zell asked. "We're like, 10 feet away."

Rinoa elbowed her friend and took the binoculars back. "Aren't you a paid soldier? Aren't you trained for espionage and stuff?"

Zell scratched his head and continued crouching behind the palm plant. "It's different in the field. And we're not supposed to spy on our comrades."

Rinoa sighed. She should have done this alone. She and Zell were hiding to scope out the Garden mail room. She had no time to get a source among the staff and so she would have to figure out the timing perfectly from her current vantage point.

The mail carrier would arrive at 9 AM with the giant bag of letters and packages direct from the Balamb post office. She would make it inside by 9:02 and have everything emptied out for the mail room staff by 9:06. The staff would then start putting things in the student boxes at 9:08. Squall would be there by 9:09, if last month's timing was anything to go on. Glancing quickly at her watch, Rinoa smiled at the 8:59 looking back at her.

"He's not going to be happy about this," Zell told her. "And if he finds out I'm involved…"

"Hyne, you really are a chicken," she snapped at him with an annoyed glare. Shoving the binoculars back in his hands at first sight of the mail truck out at the front gate, she stuck her tongue out at him. "All you have to do is distract him if you see him coming."

Zell shrugged. "But I don't like coming between a man and his mail."

Rinoa watched the mail carrier lug in the giant bag of letters, knowing that somewhere inside was her target. She'd had all month to practice Squall's signature, and she pulled the paper from the pocket of her jeans.

_I hereby authorize Rinoa Heartilly to pick up my mail today. _

_-Squall Leonhart, Commander_

She'd probably overdone the Commander thing. The 'd' was a bit flowery for Squall's usual handwriting, but she had her charms to make up the difference. The mail carrier and mail room staff greeted each other warmly as they began dumping out the bag on the table inside the room. She rose to move over, but Zell's hand wrapped around her wrist and pulled her back down.

"No, wait!" he whispered harshly, gesturing over his shoulder. Standing over by the fountain, just out of sight was Squall. Damn it. He was tapping his toe nervously and biting his fingernails. "What are we going to do?"

Rinoa racked her brain. Think, she told herself, think think think! She bit her lip and cursed her bad luck. Squall wouldn't surface from the bloody magazine for the next week. Her boyfriend's obsession with the Weapons Monthly publication was bordering on the obscene.

He claimed that it wasn't obsession. He was just a long-time subscriber and called it "devoted readership" rather than facing reality. Rinoa had endured this for the past several months. The new edition would arrive, and Squall was all but dead to the world until he'd read the thing from cover to cover. He even read the advertisements with the greatest of attention. He kept back issues in plastic sleeves and had them organized by volume and issue number in case he wished to refer to an older issue.

Just last month, he'd moved a picture of the two of them on vacation in Dollet into his desk drawer in order to set up a new display for the current issue. So rather than a photo of them, there was now a moisture-sealed _Weapons Monthly_ inside a locked Lucite case. When he'd started discussing track lighting options with the man at the hardware store last week, Rinoa decided then and there that it was time to act. She would not lose to a magazine, for Hyne's sake.

Zell had to come through for her. She pulled her wallet from her pants and handed Zell a stack of bills. "That will buy you hot dogs for the next several months. I don't care if you tell him that I went all sorceress crazy and burned Esthar to the ground. He cannot get to the mail, do you understand me?"

Her friend's eyes nearly popped from his skull. "Whatever you say, Rin." Zell bounded out from behind the plant and raced over to where Squall was waiting like some junkie for his next fix. Rinoa took a deep breath and waited until Zell started flailing his arms spastically. She grinned as Squall tried to get around him to move forward to the mail boxes, but Zell was doing marvelously.

She watched Squall's face turn red with anger. Whatever Zell was telling him, it was a doozy. Squall pinched the bridge of his nose and started grumpily arguing back, but she couldn't hear the conversation. Rinoa saw the mail carrier depart for the entrance, and she had mere seconds now. Hopefully Squall wouldn't notice her sneaking out from behind the palm to queue up at the desk.

The mail clerk gave her a strange look. "Hey Rinoa, can I help you with something? We're getting everything in the boxes now."

She smiled her sweetest smile and passed the paper across the desk. "The commander's a bit busy this morning and asked me to get his mail."

The clerk nodded. If he would only look about 20 feet to his left, he'd see smoke pouring from Squall's ears at Zell's elaborate ruse. "That time of the month already?" The clerk barely glanced at the forged paper and moved to the table behind him. "You know, Rinoa, I've never seen someone so obsessed with a magazine before."

He placed the _Weapons Monthly_ down on the counter along with a few random bills and those annoying credit card offers. She grinned. "I don't understand it myself, Sam. Thanks so much." She picked up the magazine and other envelopes and hurried away, hoping that the students arriving at the mailboxes would hide her escape.

But before she could make it to the elevator, she heard an almost unrecognizable shout. "Rinoa! Run!" she heard Zell scream, and she took off. She hadn't had time to plan an escape route, and now she was stuck between charging footsteps and the large Garden fountain.

"Heartilly!" Squall barked behind her. "What the hell are you doing?" Her last name. Now she was in trouble. She clutched the mail against her chest and turned around, taking a measured step back towards the fountain with every advancing step of her now livid boyfriend. She'd have to take some of Zell's money back now, the traitor.

She held her chin high and took another step back as he approached, his fists clenched in anger. "I just thought I'd pick up your mail for you. As a gesture of kindness."

"Oh really?" he asked, a dark edge to his voice. "Then can you explain why Zell just started yelling at me about a children's hospital burning to the ground in Deling City?" Now that's one she wouldn't have thought of. She'd let Zell keep the gil.

Rinoa cleared her throat. "Well, you see Squall…" Her legs connected with the edge of the fountain, and she had nowhere to go. Inspiration struck. Squall stayed a few paces away cautiously as she set the other mail down on the ground beside her and kept his stupid magazine in the crook of her arm. He was probably freaking out internally about the non-existent oils and dirt in her hands smudging up the damn cover. She watched his eyes bulge as she dangled the magazine behind her, the bubbling fountain ready to gobble up its contents. "I didn't want to have to do this."

"And…and you don't have to do this, Rin," Squall muttered then, the anger quickly turning into panic at the thought of his precious _Weapons Monthly_ being lost to the depths of the Garden fountain.

"Oh really?" she spat. "You have a problem, Squall, and that problem is _Weapons Monthly_!" She shook the magazine and watched Squall's horror as the inserted ad cards fell out and fluttered into the water.

"Please, Rinoa. What did I do to deserve this? Just give me the magazine, okay? Did I forget your birthday or something?"

She scowled. "You forget a hell of a lot more than my birthday when you're engrossed in this stupid thing. It's…it's like this is your form of pornography!"

"Take that back!" he shouted. "There's a piece about the newest gunblade model in that issue. Not to mention the latest reviews of blade sharpeners, and so help me Hyne, if you drop it in the water…"

"What?" she shouted. "What are you going to do about it?" Rinoa was amused to see a small gathering of students now observing their quarrel. She knew that they'd be on her side. It was no small secret at Garden about Squall's magazine collection. Rumor had it that the Commander slept with a first issue _Weapons Monthly_ under his pillow. It wasn't true of course – he'd sooner die than risk wrinkling the pages.

Squall finally noticed the crowd gathering, and he stepped forward. "Rinoa…"

She moved the magazine away from the water but poised her fingers on the cover, ready to rip it right off. "Not another step, Leonhart."

He was really struggling. The Commander couldn't exactly endure much more humiliation in front of the students, but Squall was stubborn and hated losing. "What do you want?"

"I want you to stop."

"I'm not canceling my subscription," he argued back, crossing his arms like a little boy.

"I'm not asking you to. I just want you to stop. With the vacuum sealing and the acid free storage boxes and the temperature-controlled off-site unit you want to buy and the damned track lighting. It's a magazine, for Hyne's sake!" Rinoa could hear the chuckling of students around her, and Squall's face turned scarlet in shame. "And…and I want the picture of us back on your dresser!"

Squall glared at the crowd of students. "Don't you all have class to attend? Do I need to write you all up?" The kids scampered off at his harsh tone, and finally, it was just the two of them in front of the fountain. "Look, I know I get a little bit into…"

"A little bit?" she screamed. "You smell the pages!"

"Rinoa…" She tore the corner of the cover by just a millimeter, and Squall let out a heartbreakingly noisy howl. "Stop! Stop stop stop, please stop!"

She ceased her tough love. "Do we have a deal? You keep your subscription. You read it, that's fine. But the creepy compulsive storage ends. We have a library here, and they have back issues. And you pay attention to me on magazine day. I'm not going to sit and watch you read. Do that on your own time."

His eyes were tearing up, and she almost regretted having to bring him so low. "Fine. Just…just hand it over, okay?"

"Promise me!"

He couldn't stop staring at the miniscule tear in the paper. "I promise." She held the magazine out, and he snatched it from her. "I'm going to go read this now, do you object to that? To my eyes scanning the text and increasing my knowledge, Rinoa?"

She beamed at him. "No, of course not. But no smelling pages, no reinforcing the binding, no plastic sleeves."

He held the magazine gingerly. "Whatever, I don't do that stuff." She raised an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe once in a while."

She was starving. Her stake-out had made her ready for a big breakfast. She moved to head over to the cafeteria when he gripped her arm tightly.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Rinoa jerked her thumb to gesture behind her. "Um, I need food?"

"Well, it will have to wait," he told her and began dragging her over to the elevator. "You're getting a detention."

"A detention? What? You're not my instructor or my parole officer or…"

He finally smiled after enduring all her cruelty. "You took mail that wasn't yours and probably forged my name to do it."

Damn. He pulled her into the elevator, and she sighed. "So what's my punishment then?" she inquired, linking her fingers with his and leaning against him in hopes that it would somehow involve disciplinary action on the desk in his office.

Squall grinned wickedly. "Heartilly, you are going to know more about blade sharpeners than you ever wanted to." She pouted as he cracked open the magazine and began to read. "Now, BladeCo has this great new one with a stainless steel handle and dual reinforced…"


End file.
